Like Nobody’s Watching

When I tend to get stuck on writing, I’m usually thinking about someone else reading it.  I think about what parts not to say, what to keep concealed for fear of being found out. Found out to be, whatever I am that is undesirable.  So I’ll tuck sentences away, and bolster other words instead until I’m muted completely. Stuck, thinking about the outcome.  I want to write words that resonate and mean something to someone.  When I’m off track, I’m stuck on justifying myself through my writing.  And then I get to the point of justifying my writing, in true Raison d’être fashion.  But this has never been my style. I don’t have an elaborate answer, or a why.  I write because of what the words mean to me and what they mean about me. I just write.  Magical things happen when I write, but they are not why I write.

Every time we remember something, we don’t remember the actual event, we remember the last time we remembered that event. When I write, I re-remember something about me.  Some lost part of me, some idea, notion or dream that I tucked away in my day-to-day life for fear of judgment, or perhaps because I’m judging myself. Writing helps me to be intentional about accepting all parts of myself.  The next time I remember this feeling, it will have new meaning, meaning that I wrote.  Each word a gentle letting go of the past, each letter one less slipped second into the future. It keeps me present.  When I write it creates space between me and my experiences, thoughts, worries and desires.

It can be easy for me to forget that I am separate from the aforementioned mental constructs.  I think too much and writing keeps me mindful.  Reciprocally, incorporating mindfulness [non-judgment, present-moment awareness, intention] into my writing has made me a better writer.  Better writing has made me a better communicator which improves all aspects of my life. As a therapist, I encourage my clients to exercise their basic personal rights; one being the right not to justify yourself to others.  Magic can happen when we stop justifications, when we accept that whatever is has a right to be.  When I write just to write, I write like nobody is reading.  I do it to be fully myself, without justification.  In these honest expressions, I get the opportunity to reflect, to observe myself through the looking glass of a cheap laptop screen.

Because I’m too self-conscious and have little rhythm on my feet, I let my words dance for me. I write because I do. And when I do, my words dance like nobody’s watching.

Raison D’être

6 thoughts on “Like Nobody’s Watching

  1. Janice Wald says:

    Hi, you are a good writer. The only part I have trouble with is the introduction. When I don’t think about it and just write, it flows.
    You wrote in your comment above that you are just getting started. I help new bloggers at my site. If you can take just a moment to subscribe to my blog, I can help you increase your traffic.
    Janice

    Like

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